he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
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Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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