Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
