do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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