Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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