Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
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I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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