So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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