My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
