two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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