none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
