i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
