Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
