You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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