god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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