woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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