I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
