Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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