we're chasing vodka with high fives
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
