I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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