I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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