i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My ass is underappreciated
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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