Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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