so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
