I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
