mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
