I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
