i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
