I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
