first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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