What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
