i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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