Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
