If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
