Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize