I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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