true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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