Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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