drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
