you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
