You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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