so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
