Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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