I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
