IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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