I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
