Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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