Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
