never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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