i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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