i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
