The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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