I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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