it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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