Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
