i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
