i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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