I CAN MOONWALK!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
