I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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