God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
