It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
