dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
