Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize