Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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