I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
